Odyssey

by Veronica Schanoes

1) Temptation

"I thought long and hard about whether I should
Just go over the side and end it all in the sea
or endure in silence and remain among the living.
In the end I decided to bear it and live."

10.57-60

What is the greatest temptation

a traveller can face?

Respite.

To stop and sink into the gray downy warmth

of the wine-dark sea.

To just relax my guard

lay down my arms

unbuckle the bronze helmet

and sleep please let me sleep.

Let my eyes close.

When all sight is through mist thick as butter

and all movement is like breathing saltwater

let my eyes close.

My thoughts are frantic like flies

heart smothered in sewage

breath through a cesspool

I am coated in oils of six days

in memory of one week

of four hours of sleep

and no showers.

I am lying on my red rug for hours

and every minute a needle storm.

The greatest temptation

is to stop

and breathe quiet

and sink into the wine–dark sea.

Somewhere, I think I remember

I want to live.

2) Ogygia

"Odysseus was sitting on the shore,
As ever those days, honing his heart’s sorrow,
Staring out to sea with hollow, salt–rimmed eyes."

5.84-6

For I shall sit and weep

by the waters of Babylon

staring out at the gray breakers

waves rolling in further each day

of seven years

Seven years of lead solid in my solar plexus

while waves rise above me of

so much and no future but the gray saltwater span

of what I owe

and will never do.

And still I don't move

but sit on the beach

with a cup of tea

gazing out at the unbreachable sea

weeping salt waves with the tide,

always coming in to drown me

always leaving, going out

beyond my reach.

How many times a day do you do nothing but cry?

Take this axe, she says,

and take this wine,

straight from the vine.

Meantime . . .not in focus yet.

3) Lotus Eaters

Loss and memory

where are my keys?

I scatter pens and books

hair bands, earrings,

trinkets for the living

while I sleep.

Her face is fading and soon

I will have only photographs

which I will lose.

forgetting and fading

sleeping and sweating tears

concentrate . . .

not in focus yet.

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