Charm Song for Hunting a Deer

by Carolyn Dunn

I.

It's come to this, then

After all this time,

This distance,

She's followed me back.

Through deep, dark woods

Forests abundant with

Bright greens, reds

Earth browns

And dark, daylit skies.

There and back

And now she's not

About to let go.

In the court of appeals

I have no voice.

Baritone visages

Of myth and forgiveness

But the truth sits on

My tongue

Waiting to fly

But lips shut

Around it,

Silencing the words

That can set me free

A deer tongue

On a salt lick.

She laughs,

Thinks it ironic

After all this time

You got what you wanted.

One of your blood

Traditional

So traditional he

Could not see the flash of

Hoof

On a dark moonlit road.

Eighteen years ago

I was small.

Slim.

A slip of a girl

With long, dark hair

And deep starless night eyes.

And he loved me,

Touched my flesh

Like it was fire

And I burned

See, his hands are

Still warm to the touch.

Calluses roughened

The soft parts of

Your thighs.

Your hips, the soft curls,

Worn down by

My light, dark skin

And burnt to the touch.

It is me he sees

When he looks at you.

Eyes through me

And I live in him.

Whisper things to him

That he never would see.

And I tell him about all

About you.

About how I love you

Means you're weak

How forever

Means

Until the next one

Comes along.

You see, my girl,

The trick is this:

Bewitch their spirit

So when their soul comes along

They have no home left to

Give it.

Bear down their spirit

With my teeth

Soft voice,

Words of darkness,

Their blood my water,

Their joy my tongue.

Lick the salt

From their wounds

Scratched

By my hand.

The tongue tastes

What the flesh will not.

Come, my girl,

Let me tell you the trick.

Overtaken on the altar of woodsmoke

And prayer

You haven't one

And I'm just

Beginning.

II.

Faster,

Faster,

Harder

The little death

Comes

Seeping through life.

Deadening,

Slipping

Knots

Through the blood

Of our union.

You stay inside me,

Warm, safe.

And you won't move

Because this knife

Is the only place

Where worship becomes

Breath

Prayer

Becomes love.

The only place you feel whole

Filling the space

Where you once slid

Blue and breathing into the hands that

Turned your flesh

To blood,

Broken bones

Knives cutting the cords

Of life and breath.

To come from her

Into his hands

Must've made you

The sorrow

You ache from,

The anger you bear,

At the slightest provocation.

In into his hands

This invocation

This spirit went to first

And now this spirit

Lies under the earth

Buried in the consecrated soul

You wish would encompass

You.

But your soul

Was too big

Even for him to hold

So he threw you away

Another mouth to feed

Another deer to hunt

Another song to sing

Another man to take

The wife away

When you look at yourself now

Is it his face you see?

And who's to say

You won't make me pay

For the sins of

Your father?

III.

I'm not afraid

Of you.

I can see you at night

Watching me

From shadow spaces

And tricks of light

Or darkness

For that matter.

When I turn my head

You disappear.

You're afraid of me

Because I can see you.

I can fight you,

Shiny hooves

Pointed toes in heels

Because I've looked

At your feet

Worn your damn shoes

And I've seen you

Hutuk Awasa

Little Deer

You can go now

Because there's no room

In my bed

For all of us.

Just us two

And I won't let you

Force yourself upon him

When he's weak

When he's hurt

From the knives of your flesh

Imprint of heels upon his

Legs, arms, hands,

Heart.

He's mine now.

And you, my girl,

Can disappear

Back into the hole

In the ground

You emerged from

This one,

Eagle Woman,

Wahaliatka,

Bear Mother,

Nita Ishki.

Your name upon my lips

And the trick is now mine.

I know who you are

And I know

That you know

I'm not afraid

Of you.