Deer Woman

by Carolyn Dunn

From the desert

across a breath of sky

I hear her voice

a tiny spark-like

flame of sound

somewhat like a flash

of eye in a headlight.

An adrenaline rush

heart pumping

madness to the ear

and she was saying

my name

over and over.

I heard it through

the eyes of my

bright sun child

tasted it on his tongue

tasted my blood

upon his teeth

white and gleaming

under a fool moon

and blazes of moving stars

and Moon in motion.

I heard her voice

when he looked at me

in sunlight

when he wouldn't look at me

in sunlight

when he knew

what he had done.

I heard her voice

in desert plains.

Vast windless prairies

of sand. rock. death.

In this desert

they have created

an oasis.

She speaks the price.

She speaks through the eyes

of another one.

A man whose tongue

tastes of alcohol

and chlorine.

His eyes are dark

and he presses up against me

forcing me against the wall

of my own desires

and that is of forgetting

the sun-child

who looked at me

wouldn't he

couldn't he

look at me.

I've learned about icing

and penalty boxes

it's passion yes

my body sparkles

under dust

under him

but there is shame there

too.

I have not named it

for myself.

He and he

try to do it for me.

But I will not let

him.

She speaks across

oceans of broken

terraces and thick air

winds that come from nowhere

on wings of darkness and

thick deep water.

Is this madness —

the madness of knowing

through the eyes of a deer?

She was trying to warn me —

and I looked into her eyes

perhaps now I can save myself.

now I have looked down

seeing her hooves

solid black shining

bits of ground glass

and dried pieces of bone

I look to the ground

and see my feet

hooves covered with dust

and stained with blood

pours from the open wound

of my breasts

to the earth

where it dries

and forms red stones

shining

and I shape them into a necklace

of deep crimson

nearly black.

Her feet have become mine

her voice in my head

as I look to the ground

the car still running

those are my eyes

full of headlit fear

across the night air.

And I know

this madness

this animal rage

this taste on my tongue

and lips.

Her voice roars from my

mouth

like stars

and I understand.

I have seen the deer

in the glass of the window

when the moon makes

a reflection at night

and I can see myself

driving

across

a desert plain

the madness of men.

I did not look down in time.

And caught my eyes

in my own headlights.

Threw myself on the dash

and drove and drove

until I could drive

no more.